THIS WHOLE 'WALK OF SHAME' THING REALLY IRKS ME SOMETHING AWFUL. WHY SHOULD I BE ASHAMED? I JUST HAD (HOPEFULLY) AWESOME SEX AND NOW I'M GONNA GRAB A LATTE AND GO SHOPPING. AND LATER, I'LL GET INTO MY (CLEAN, NON CUM-STAINED BED) AND SLEEP LIKE A DAMN BABY.
IF I WERE TO FEEL 'SHAME' IT'D BE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING IMPORTANT, LIKE DISAPPOINTING MY PARENTS. DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE I JUST GOT FUCKED BY YOUR BEST FRIEND ALL NIGHT LONG AND AM EXITING THROUGH YOUR KITCHEN WITH MY BRA IN MY HAND. I'LL WRAP THE BRA AROUND MY NECK AND WEAR IT AS A SCARF IF IT'D GET THE POINT ACROSS THAT FEMALES HAVING CASUAL SEX ISNT SHAMEFUL.
THE ONLY SHAMEFUL THING IS THE JUDGEMENT AND TREATMENT THAT PEOPLE SUBJECT LADIES TO AND NOT MALES.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS. BUT I HAVE BABYSAT ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT PARENTS TREAT THEIR SONS AND DAUGHTERS MUCH DIFFERENTLY. I HAVE STARTED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE WAY BOYS BEHAVE REGARDING THEIR DICKS IN CONTRAST TO THE WAY WOMEN BEHAVE REGARDING THEIR VAGINAS.
I BABYSAT A GIRL WHO HAD TWO DOCTOR PARENTS. THEY USED THE ACTUAL TERMINOLOGY REGARDING BODY PARTS, AND THE LITTLE GIRL REFERRED TO HER VAGINA AS SHE UNDERSTOOD THE WORD - AS HER 'CHINA'. I ADOPTED THIS LINGO FOR MY OWN VAGINA BEFORE I WAS COMFORTABLE CALLING IT A VAGINA. I HATE THE WORD VAGINA. IT SOUNDS HARSH AND GROSS. HOW MANY OTHER PLEASANT WORDS START WITH THE LETTER 'V'? NOT MANY. THEREFORE, I NAMED MY VAGINA WILLOW. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CUTE TO OWN MY OWN PUSSYWILLOW.
THERE IS ALWAYS 'THE TALK'. THE TALK ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, HOW BABIES ARE MADE - SEX. BUT NO ONE EVER SAT ME DOWN AND EXPLAINED WHAT A VAGINA IS. WHAT IT DOES. HOW IT WORKS. I WAS NINETEEN WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT WOMEN DON'T, IN FACT, PEE OUT OF THEIR CLITS. I NEVER DID THE WHOLE LEG SPREAD MIRROR THING TO INSPECT WHAT I HAD GOING ON. I WAS ACTUALLY SLIGHTLY TERRFIED OF THE HOLE BETWEEN MY LEGS. I MEAN REALLY... A PHYSICAL BLACK HOLE.
I RESEARCHED VAGINAS IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE I HAD A FEAR OF ANTS CRAWLING UP MY VAGINA. TRUTH IS, ANTS CANT SURVIVE IN VAGINAS BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANY OXYGEN UP THERE. I ALSO DISCOVERED THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL- THE MOVIE TEETH (2007) - IN WHICH THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS A SHARK-LIKE MOUTH IN HER PUSSY THAT ATTACKS INCOMING OBJECTS. OR HOW BOUT CHUCK PALAHNIUK'S NEW TERRIFYING BOOK - BEAUTIFUL YOU - THAT SHOWCASES WOMEN BECOMING ADDICTED TO SEX TOYS TO THE POINT OF NEAR DEATH, AND BEING IMPREGNATED WITH POTENTIAL CLONE BABIES (ALSO HAS A GREAT SCENE WITH FLYING EXPLODING DILDOS THAT END UP CASTRATING AND KILLING THE BAD GUY.. EPIC). THE WORLD I GREW UP IN TAUGHT ME TO FEAR WHAT WAS BETWEEN MY LEGS.
MY JUNIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE I GOOGLED 'NORMAL VAGINA'. MY HOOK-UPS HAD NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MY VAGINA BEING ABNORMAL BUT I TRULY HAD NO CLUE. I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OTHER VAGINAS BESIDES THE ONES PORN STARS HAVE - PERFECTLY SCULPTED PEACH LOOKING SHIT.
MY SEARCH RESULT LED ME TO AN ARTIST - JAMIE MCCARTNEY - WHO CAST TONS OF WOMENS VAGINAS AND MADE A MONTAGE. LIKE HUNDREDS OF LADIES GOT HARD COPIES OF THEIR VAGINAS FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. THE PIECE ENDED UP BEING CALLED "THE GREAT WALL OF VAGINAS". A TRULY APPROPRIATE NAME. THROUGH THIS ART PIECE I SAW LOTS OF 'NORMAL' VAGINAS. I FOUND MINE QUITE TAME BY COMPARISON. MY RIGHT INNER LABIA IS A LITTLE LONGER THAN MY LEFT. I WAS ALWAYS SO SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT THIS QUIRK THAT I COULDN'T ENJOY BEING EATEN OUT BY ANYONE. I COULDN'T RELAX AND I COULDN'T LET GO (THIS UNEVEN INNER LABIA THING IS ALSO GENETIC - I ASKED MY COUSINS AND THEY ALL HAVE IT TOO). I WAS ASHAMED OF AN ADORABLE QUIRK. THE OTHER VAGINAS VIA THE GREAT WALL OF VAGINAS PROVED TO ME THAT THERE ARE SOME PRETTY SCARY PIECES OUT THERE. PIECES KIND OF RESEMBLING THE GOBBLES ON A TURKEYS NECK? OR MAYBE BOLOGNA? I DON'T KNOW BUT IT WAS SCARY. AND NOW I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR MY CLEAN, PRETTY CLOSE TO PERFECT, UNEVEN VAGINA.
THEY KIND OF DO LOOK LIKE FLOWERS. AND THAT'S PRETTY DAMN AWESOME - THAT OUR BODIES RESEMBLE SUCH A GORGEOUS PART OF NATURE. AND WHAT DO MEN HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT? DANGLY THIRD LEGS THAT - IF CIRCUMSIZED - REMIND WOMEN OF MUSHROOMS. IF THEYRE UNCIRCUMCISED THEYRE JUST ANT-EATER WIENERS.. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM REFERRING TO?? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SEA CUCUMBER? YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT IN YOUR PANTS.
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SUMMER I WAS FRUSTRATED WITH MY INABILITY TO ORGASM. MY DOCTOR HAS BEEN TELLING ME FOR YEARS THAT MY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS MAKE IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CUM - AND THEN ADD MY AXIETY ABOUT MY KITTY'S APPEARANCE AND YOU'VE GOT A GIANT ORGASM FAKER. I CAN FAKE WAYYYY BETTER THAN SALLY IN WHEN HARRY MET SALLY.
I ALREADY OWN SIX VIBRATORS AND TWO BOTTLES OF LUBE. NOT TO MENTION THE SEX DRIVE OF A TEENAGE BOY (SORRY IF THAT'S A GERNERALIZATION). IT TOOK ME SIX VIBRATORS TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE. EVEN THEN, IF IM NOT IN THE MOOD COMPLETELY, IT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR ME. PERHAPS MY NEIGHBORS THINK I HAVE A FOOT MASSAGER OR SOMETHING.
I BOUGHT MY SIXTH VIBRATOR ON MY DADS CREDIT CARD FROM A SEX SHOP IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN. ITS PINK AND SCARY LOOKING BUT EFFECTIVE. I KNEW MY DAD WOULD BE TOO EMBARRASED TO BRING UP MY $50 EXPENSE AT EROTICA AND I WILL HAVE SCORED A FREE SEX TOY. (I WAS RIGHT.)
ADDITIONALLY, I DECIDED TO GET MY CLITORAL HOOD PIERCED. I HAD READ ONLINE THAT IT MAKES ORGASMING MUCH EASIER FOR HARD-TO-PLEASE WOMEN. IT WAS TERRIFYING TO TAKE OFF MY PANTS FOR THE PIERCER BUT LUCKILY ONE OF MY BEST GIRLFRIENDS, CHELSEA, WENT WITH ME TO HOLD MY HAND. SHE'S STILL MAD AT ME THAT I MADE HER LOOK AT MY VAGINA WHEN IT WAS FINISHED. (SORRY CHELS.)
MY VCH (VERTICAL CLITORAL HOOD) PIERCING HELPED. WALKING UP THE STAIRS WAS FUN. NOT KIDDING, I HAD TO TAKE BREAKS ON THE SUBWAY STAIRS BECAUSE IT FELT TOO GOOD. IT ALSO CHEAPENED THE LOOK OF MY POOR PUSSYWILLOW. I TOOK IT OUT AFTER A MONTH AND A HALF AND FIND MY KITTY EVEN MORE ADORABLE NOW.
I NEVER REALLY LIKED MASTERBATING. I ATTEMPTED TO TOUCH MYSELF THROUGHOUT MY LIFE AS A TEENAGER BUT NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY IT DIDN'T FEEL GOOD. AGAIN, MEDICATION AND IMPATIENCE DIDN'T HELP. BUT I THINK IT'S SOMETHING ELSE TOO.
FROM A YOUNG AGE MY COUSINS WERE OBSESSED WITH THEIR DICKS. THEY HAD ALL THESE NAMES FOR THEM LIKE PEEPEE AND LORD EVEN KNOWS I DON'T KNOW. GUYS I KNOW SWING THEIR DICKS AROUND LIKE HELECOPTERS. ANY GUY IVE BEEN WITH HAS NO ISSUE WHIPPING IT OUT. ONE OF MY BEST GUY FRIENDS SENT ME A SNAPCHAT OF HIS FLACID PENIS WITH A BLUE CIRCLE AROUND IT SAYING 'LAKE FLACID'. ANYTHING BETWEEN THEIR LEGS AND ITS GAME ON. THEY'RE SCRATCHING THEIR BALLS IN PUBLIC, MASTURBATING EVERY SINGLE DAY - PROBABLY VIOLENTLY - DOES THAT EVEN FEEL GOOD ANYMORE?
I WENT ZIPLINING IN THE FOREST WITH MY COUSINS AND WE HAD TO WEAR HARNESSES. THERE ARE MY TWO BOY COUSINS, GRIPPING AND WHIPPING THE CARABEENER BETWEEN THEIR LEGS LIKE TOMORROW MIGHT NOT COME. THE GUIDE SPECIFICALLY TOLD US NOT TO TOUCH THAT CARABEENER BUT MEN TRULY CAN'T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF OF ANYTHING BETWEEN THEIR LEGS. I'VE STARTED TO SAY, "IT'S A DICK THING". PHALLIC ART SCULPTURES? ITS A DICK THING. WATER HOSES BETWEEN LEGS LIKE SPRAYING PENIS'S? ITS A DICK THING. EVER SEEN A WOMEN ITCH HER CROTCH IN PUBLIC? EVER SEEN A LADY HOLD THINGS UP TO THEIR CROTCHES THAT REPRESENT A PUSSY? EVER SEE WOMEN MAKING VULGAR COMMENTS ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS? NO. THAT'S A DICK THING.
GIRLS AREN'T GIVEN AN EXPLAINATION TO THEIR SEXUALITY. NO ONE EXPLAINS MASTURBATION OR THE WONDERS OF ORGASMING TO A FEMALE. IT'S SECOND NATURE FOR A GUY TO JERK OFF, BUT FOR WOMEN IT'S TABOO. WHAT IS A VAGINA????? WHY ISN'T THERE A MAP ON GOOGLE TELLING YOU HOW TO LOCATE THE RIGHT HOLE OR SPOT??? (THERE ISN'T, IVE LOOKED, MULTIPLE TIMES). EVEN IF THERE WERE A GOOGLE MAPS FOR VAGINAS, IT WOULDN'T WORK. EVERY VAGINA IS DIFFERENT - KIND OF LIKE SNOW FLAKES.
WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT MORE - WITH OUR GIRLFRIENDS, BOYFRIENDS, COUSINS, MOMS, AND FUTURE DAUGHTERS. PERSONALLY, IM TIRED OF BEING IN BED WITH A GUY GLASSY-EYED AND MONOTONE. "A LITTLE LEFT. NO. UP. NOPE, DOWN". I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIGURE OUT YA DAMN LADY PARTS. FIGURE OUT WHAT FEELS BEST AND WHY. SHOW YOUR HOOKUPS AND BOYFRIENDS FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOURSELF. I AM TIRED OF SETTING UP EVENINGS WITH MEN JUST SO THAT THEY CAN CUM AGAIN. THIS IS ABOUT ME!! ABOUT US!!
AND ALSO IF HE DOESNT LICK IT, DUMP HIM. THE END.