YOU MET A NEW GUY. HIS NAME IS... JAMES.
JAMES TAKES YOU OUT FOR DINNER IN WILLIAMSBURG. HE HAS A RESERVATION FOR TWO AT A PRIME TABLE BY THE WINDOW NEXT TO THE STREET. IT'S DARK OUTSIDE BUT YOU CAN STILL SEE THE SILHOUETTES OF COUPLES PASSING BY HOLDING HANDS. THERE IS A DOG PEEING ON A TREE. YOUR MIND STARTS TO WANDER AND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FAT WIENER DOG WHEN THE WAITER COMES OVER WITH WATER. YOU SNAP YOUR ATTENTION BACK TO JAMES.
HE'S HANDSOME. HE HAS A JOB IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT DOING SOMETHING YOU PRETEND TO UNDERSTAND. YOU LIKE THAT HE KNOWS THINGS YOU DON'T - IT TURNS YOU ON TO KNOW HE COULD TAKE CARE OF YOUR FINANCIALS... IF IT EVER CAME TO THAT. HE IS POLITE. HE ASKS YOU ABOUT YOUR DAY, YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR JOB.
WINE COMES TO YOUR TABLE AND YOU FEEL TINGLY BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH WHEN HIS GREEN EYES MEET YOURS. YOU ORDER YOUR MEAL. THE FOOD IS RELATIVELY EXPENSIVE AND YOU WONDER HOW MUCH MONEY HE MAKES. HE BROUGHT YOU TO A RESTAURANT WITH GREAT ITALIAN FOOD - YOUR FAVORITE. YOU MAKE NOTE OF HIS GOOD MEMORY. YOU DISCUSS YOUR FAVORITE BOOKS. HE IS CAPABLE OF GREAT CONVERSATION.
YOU SPEND SOME TIME QUIETLY OBSERVING HIS MANNERISMS. HE HAS TAN, MANLY HANDS AND DOESN'T BITE HIS FINGER NAILS. HIS FOREARMS LOOK STRONG AND VEIN-Y - A PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTIC YOU ADMIRE. YOU'RE WINE TIPSY AND SMILING A LOT. HE IS REALLY QUITE FUNNY. YOU LET YOURSELF WONDER WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO INTRODUCE HIM TO YOUR MOM. YOU THINK MAYBE SHE'D LIKE HIM.
THE FOOD COMES AND JAMES STARTS TO EAT. YOU WATCH HIM CUT HIS STEAK. YOU DECIDE YOU'D FEEL SAFE WITH HIM IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION. YOU START TO EAT YOUR SPAGHETTI AND NOTICE HIM WATCHING YOUR LIPS. THERE IS SEXUAL TENSION AND YOU DISCOVER THAT YOU'RE NOT AGAINST IT. THE CONVERSATION FLOWS EFFORTLESSLY AND YOU ARE ENCHANTED. HE HAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED YOU. YOU HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE. YOU ARE COMFORTABLE IN HIS PRESENCE. THE CHECK COMES AND HE PAYS FOR YOUR MEAL. HE LEAVES A TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT TIP - HE IS GENEROUS. YOU DECIDE TO HAVE SEX - AFTER ALL HE IS A RESPECTFUL MAN WHO OBSERVES WOMEN'S RIGHTS. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
THE SEX WAS GREAT. YOU TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS HOW FANTASTIC JAMES IS. YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR THEM TO MEET HIM. HE INVITES YOU OVER AGAIN - THIS TIME FOR HOMEMADE DINNER AND A MOVIE. YOU THINK IT'S ADORABLE THAT HE WANTS TO COOK FOR YOU. YOU HAVE SEX AGAIN AND ITS EQUALLY AS AMAZING AS THE FIRST TIME - IF NOT BETTER. YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS RELATIONSHIP IS HEADING AND YOU ARE TRYING NOT TO SKIP WITH HAPPINESS ON YOUR WAY HOME.
HE STOPS TAKING YOU OUT. YOUR DATES GO FROM DINNER DATES AND BARS TO MOVIES IN AND SNUGGLING. THEY SLOWLY FADE TO JUST SEX. YOU ASK ABOUT SPENDING TIME OUTSIDE OF HIS APARTMENT AND HE SAYS YES, NEXT TIME YOU'LL GO BOWLING.
YOU STOP HEARING FROM HIM ALTOGETHER. HIS TEXTS GO FROM SWEET AND FLIRTY TO DISTANT TO NONEXISTENT. YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU WENT WRONG - THINGS WERE JUST STARTING TO GET GOOD!
YOU TELL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS THAT YOU'RE CONFUSED AND ASK THEM THEIR OPINION. YOUR FRIEND (WHO ALSO REFUSES TO CALL HERSELF A FEMINIST AND MAKES YOU WONDER IF YOU REALLY SHOULD BE FRIENDS AFTER ALL) BLURTS OUT THAT YOU HAD SEX TOO SOON AND NOW HE'S BORED WITH YOU. YOU'RE INSULTED AND INSIST THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE. YOUR OTHER FRIENDS CONSOLE YOU AND TELL YOU SHE'S WRONG.
THIS SITUATION IS RELATABLE BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED TO ALL OF US LADIES. WE MAKE A CHOICE THAT EMPOWERS US AND IT ENDS UP SMACKING US IN THE ASS (NOT IN A GOOD WAY). WE KNOW WE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX WHEN WE WANT AND HOW WE WANT. WE GO OUT WITH MEN WHO AGREE WITH THIS VIEWPOINT. WE COULD NEVER DATE A SEXIST MAN! YET THESE SITUATIONS KEEP HAPPENING AND POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS CONTINUE TO FADE INTO CASUAL SEX.
I GOOGLED "IS HAVING SEX TOO SOON INTO A NEW CONNECTION WITH A MAN AN ACTUAL THING" AND ENDED UP WITH 110 MILLION RESULTS. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF LADIES HAVE ASKED THE INTERNET THIS SAME QUESTION IN DESPERATION. DOES JUMPING INTO BED WITH A MAN "TOO SOON" SEND THE "WRONG MESSAGE"? ARE WE MISTAKING SEXUAL INTIMACY FOR SOMETHING IT'S NOT?
ARTICLE AFTER ARTICLE GOES BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN YES AND NO. THEY INSIST THERE IS NO "TOO SOON" TO HAVE SEX IN ONE SENTENCE AND THEN STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF "TAKING YOUR TIME" AND "GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER" IN THE NEXT.
EVEN AS A YOUNG GIRL I KNEW I WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT. MY MOTHER WAS ADAMANT ON MY WAITING UNTIL MARRIAGE IN ORDER TO BE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE I WASN'T GOING TO BE DUPED. MY FRIENDS IN COLLEGE INSISTED THAT SIX MONTHS WOULD BE A SOLID TIME PERIOD TO WAIT BEFORE LETTING GO OF MY VIRGINITY.
THERE SHOULD BE NO TIMELINE FOR SEX. UNFORTUNATELY, THOUGH, I THINK THERE MIGHT BE. WHILE MEN SAY THEY DON'T ENJOY THE CHASE MY REAL LIFE RESEARCH PROVES THEY DO. IT MAY ONLY BE SUBCONSCIOUS BUT IT IS STILL THE TRUTH.
I DON'T WANT A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW. I'M ALSO NOT LOOKING FOR A ONE-NIGHT-STAND. I WANT A HEALTHY MIDDLE GROUND - A CASUAL CARING RELATIONSHIP THAT ISN'T LABELED AS BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. WHY DOES SLEEPING WITH A MAN TURN OUR RELATIONSHIP INTO A JOKE? WHAT CHANGED? DOES HE RESPECT ME LESS? AM I LESS INTERESTING? LESS APPEALING? DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE A GAME?
I CRAVE OTHER PEOPLE'S KNOWLEDGE ON THIS SUBJECT.
WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH PREMATURE SEX? IS HAVING SEX "TOO EARLY" A THING?
DO MEN FIND WOMEN CATEGORIZING THEM AS HOOK-UPS WHEN THEY DESIRE A MORE INTENSE RELATIONSHIP OR IS IT ONLY WOMEN WHO EXPERIENCE THIS?
WHY DOES SEXUAL TIMING CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF THE RELATIONSHIP?
WRITE TO ME AT SLANG4SEX@GMAIL.COM WITH YOUR THOUGHTS, COMMENTS, AND STORIES.