THE MALE SPECIES RE-ASK THE SAME QUESTION TO EVERY SINGLE WOMAN TO EVER EXIST: "WHY DO WOMEN ONLY DATE THE ASSHOLE DUDES?"
ITS TIME TO CLEAR UP THIS UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING THAT US WOMEN ARE TIRED OF ATTEMPTING TO ANSWER. IN HOPES OF BRINGING EVERYONE SOME CLARITY, HERE YOU GO:
'ASSHOLES' DO EVERYTHING BETTER.
SIDE NOTE - WHAT CONSTITUTES AS A NICE GUY?? MANNERS? ELOQUENCE? FEELINGS? THE ABILITY TO HOLD A CONVERSATION? HALF OF A BRAIN? 'ASSHOLES' HAVE THESE THINGS TOO, THEY'RE JUST MORE EXHILARATING.
YOUTUBE ENTERTAINER THE 1 JANITOR STATES IT FLAWLESSLY BY SAYING: "THERE'S THIS MYTH THAT NICE GUYS GET PUT IN THE FRIEND ZONE SIMPLY FOR BEING NICE BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE. FRIENDS GET PUT IN THE FRIEND ZONE BECAUSE THEY'RE BEING VERY FRIENDLY! DUDE, THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU SHIT FOR BEING NICE AND GIRLS CERTAINLY DON'T EITHER. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE, YOU DON'T GET A COOKIE FOR DOING STUFF THAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAY."
I HAVE YET TO MEET A SO-CALLED 'NICE GUY' AND END UP THINKING, "MAN I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO RIP MY CLOTHES OFF LATER." THE 'NICE GUYS' UNDO EVERY BUTTON AND ASKS HOW YOU'RE FEELING EVERY FEW MINUTES. THEY ASK IF YOU WANT GLASSES OF WATER OR IF YOU WANT TO GET UNDER THE COVERS. I DON'T WANT TO BE ASKED, IT SHOULD BE CRYSTAL CLEAR.
SOCIETY DEEMS THE MEEK, SHY, NERDY, QUIET, INTROVERTED, NERVOUS NELLIES AS THE 'NICE GUYS'. THIS IS SO SO SO INCORRECT (I HAD A MALE BULLY WHO WAS A SCIENCE AND MATH NERD AND HE HATED ME MORE THAN I HATE PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE WHICH IS REALLY SAYING A LOT). THE 'NICE GUY' STEREO TYPE SHOULD BE DEMOLISHED BY MILEY AND HER WRECKING BALL. IN REALITY, 'ASSHOLES' CAN ACTUALLY BE NICE MEN.
EVER SINCE I WAS A YOUNG GIRL I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR THE 'ASSHOLES' OR 'BAD BOYS'. MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS ITS BECAUSE I LOVE THE EXCITEMENT. I LOVE TO BE ENTERTAINED AND I LOVE TO LAUGH. IM A ROLLER COASTER ADDICT AND CRAVE THRILLS THEREFORE MY FATHER IS PROBABLY RIGHT.
EVEN JUST FROM MY TV HISTORY, "BAD BOYS" TAKE THE TROPHY IN MY HEART EVERY TIME. I'M TEAM DRACO MALFOY FROM HARRY POTTER, TEAM DAMON SALVATORE FROM THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, TEAM CHUCK BASS FROM GOSSIP GIRL, TEAM SAWYER FROM LOST, TEAM DARYL DIXON FROM THE WALKING DEAD, TEAM JAX TELLER FROM SONS OF ANARCHY, TEAM KLAUS MIKAELSON FROM THE ORIGINALS, TEAM JESSE PINKMAN FROM BREAKING BAD, TEAM DANIEL DESARIO FROM FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, TEAM SEBASTIAN KYDD FROM THE CARRIE DIARIES. I'M TEAM YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE AND A LITTLE BIT RUDE? IF SO, COME SIT BY ME.
'BAD BOYS' OR 'ASSHOLES' HAD MY HEART FROM THE YOUNGEST OF AGES. THE BOYS I WENT STEADY WITH IN GRADE SCHOOL HAVE NOW GONE ON TO BE CRIMINALS IN JAIL, DRUG DEALERS, AND IN TWO SEPARATE CASES, TEENAGE FATHERS. HOWEVER, AT THE TIME THAT I WAS WITH THEM THEY WERE BOISTEROUS, HILARIOUS, HARMLESS AND CHARMING. I LOVE THE MYSTERY, THE COY GAMES, THE BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY. 'NICE BOYS' JUST DON'T DO THIS FOR ME.
'NICE BOYS' LEAVE MUCH TO BE DESIRED. TO STATE IT SIMPLY: THEY'RE BORING. 'NICE BOYS' DON'T ORDER YOU AROUND THE BEDROOM...THEY'RE LIKE LIMP, OVERCOOKED PASTA NOODLES IN THE PERSONALITY DEPARTMENT. I WANT TO BE NERVOUS BOTH ON THE FIRST DATE AND THREE MONTHS OUT - I NEVER WANT TO BE BORED.
MY MATURED PREFERENCE OF 'ASSHOLE' IS A KIND, LOVING GUY DEEP (DEEP DEEP DEEP) DOWN. HE CAN AFFORD TO SPOIL ME WITH DRINKS - LOTS OF THEM - AND DINNER. HE OPENS DOORS FOR ME AND KNOWS WHAT MANNERS ARE AND ALSO HOW TO BREAK THEM. HE'S GOT HIS HAND ON MY THIGH DURING DINNER AND KEEPS STEADY, SEXUAL EYE CONTACT. HE LISTENS TO ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME AND THIS IS WHY HE'S PERFECT. I NEVER KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO GET.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN 'ASSHOLE' AND GENUINELY BAD PERSON. BAD PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS, NO RESPECT AND TREAT YOU LIKE THE GROUND THEY WALK ON. BAD PEOPLE DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT, ACT BORED, AND MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE - TENSE AND INSECURE.
'ASSHOLES' ARE HARMLESS CHARMERS WHO SAY DUMB SHIT AND THROW YOU AROUND IN BED.
BAD MEN DON'T CALL YOU BACK.
'ASSHOLES' TAKE A COUPLE DAYS OR WEEKS.
BAD MEN HAVE NARCISSISM ISSUES.
'ASSHOLES' KNOW A WELL DESERVED COMPLIMENT.
BAD MEN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.
IN JUXTAPOSITION, BORING 'GOOD' GUYS TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES.
'ASSHOLES' TELL YOU TO LOOK INTO THEIR EYES WHILE YOU CUM.
BORING 'GOOD' GUYS COMPLIMENT YOUR MAKEUP.
'ASSHOLES' WIPE OFF YOUR LIPSTICK AND TELL YOU HOW SEXY YOU LOOK BARE-LIPPED.
BORING 'GOOD' GUYS ASK FOR FASHION ADVISE.
'ASSHOLES' ADMIRE THAT YOU'RE BOTH WEARING BLACK.
BORING 'GOOD' GUYS ASK TO HOLD YOUR HAND.
'ASSHOLES' WRAP THEIR ARMS AROUND YOUR WAIST.
WITH BORING 'GOOD' GUYS SEXTING IS ALWAYS ANTICLIMACTIC.
'ASSHOLES' TELL YOU JUST WHAT THEY'D DO TO YOU IF YOU WERE AT THEIR APARTMENT.
I THINK WE SHOULD RENAME THE CATEGORIES BAD, EXCITING, AND BORING JUST FOR CLARITY'S SAKE... AND BE HONEST WITH ME - REGARDLESS OF GENDER - DO YOU PREFER AN 'ASSHOLE' OR A 'NICE' PERSON?