I CONSIDER MYSELF A FEMINIST.
I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF A GOOD ONE.
THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I DESPERATELY WANT TO ROAST THE GIRLS WHO SLEPT WITH MY EX BOYFRIEND. I WANT TO CALL THEM SLUTS AND STUPID HORRIBLE CRUEL THINGS. I WANT TO FIGHT. I WANT TO WIN! WHEN IN REALITY ITS NOT THEIR FAULT. THEY'RE JUST GIRLS WHO FELL FOR THE SAME TRICKS THAT I DID.
FOR THE MOST PART, THE CLICHE SAYING "SHE'S ONLY TALKING SHIT CUZ SHE'S JEALOUS" IS SUPER TRUE. I AM JEALOUS. I'M MAD HE DECIDED HE NEEDED A SIDE PIECE. I'M MAD HE CHOSE YOU. I'M SECOND GUESSING MY SIZE AND MY APPEARANCE BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LET DOWN AND I'M VULNERABLE AND THE ONLY THING EASIER THAN IGNORING MY INSECURITIES IS THROWING THEM AT SOMEONE ELSE.
I TRY MY VERY BEST TO RECOGNIZE THIS BEHAVIOR AS SOON AS IT STARTS TO SPROUT IN MY BRAIN. I HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY SOCIETY TO JUDGE THE WOMAN AND EXCUSE THE MAN. THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS WHEN A MAN HAS QUESTIONABLE INTERACTIONS WITH A WOMAN WHO IS NOT HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER. WOMEN WILL CLING TO THE MANS SIDE, LOATHE THE WOMAN AND CALL HER A WHORE. THIS LOGIC IS COMPLETELY BACKWARDS. WE SHOULD BE RUNNING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AWAY FROM THE MAN AND NEXT TO THE OTHER WOMAN AND SAY HEY! LET'S DITCH THIS LOSER AND GET A COCKTAIL.
WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF HATEFUL BEHAVIOR. I ALWAYS TAKE A MINUTE WHEN I FIND MYSELF GIRL-HATING TO IMAGINE MY SUBJECT WAS MY SISTER OR BEST FRIEND. BEING A TAURUS, I HAVE A SENSE OF LOYALTY AND AGGRESSION MISUNDERSTOOD BY MANY PEOPLE. I CAN BE SO FIERCELY LOYAL THAT IT BORDERS ON INSANITY. ONE NASTY WORD OUT OF ANOTHER PERSONS MOUTH AGAINST MY BELOVED AND I HAVE MY TEETH BARED READY FOR A FIGHT (I THINK I'D MAKE A GOOD ADDITION TO THE CULLEN FAMILY, DON'T YOU?).
WHAT REALLY MADE ME OPEN MY EYES WAS WHEN A GIRL OF NO SIGNIFICANCE TO MY LIFE MADE IT HER GOAL TO BRING ME DOWN. SHE CRITICIZED MY KNOWLEDGE AND MY GOALS. SHE USED SOCIAL MEDIA TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY STATE ALL OF MY SHORT COMINGS. SHE SCREENSHOTTED PICTURES OF ME TO SHARE IN GROUP TEXT MESSAGES DISCUSSING HOW HIDEOUS I WAS. SHE SAW THAT I WAS CREATING THIS BLOG AND SHE CALLED ME A WANNABE, ANOTHER "LENA DUNHAM" AND AN UNINTELLIGENT WHORE. HOW MY IDEA TO DISCUSS SEX WASN'T ORIGINAL, HOW MY LIFE IS SHIT. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS FUCKING GIRL!! SHE IS MY BIGGEST MOTIVATOR. SHE IS MY DAILY REMINDER OF EXACTLY WHO I DON'T WANT TO BE. I WANT TO BE CHEERING FOR MY FUCKING GENDER. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH, WHAT YOU'RE WEARING, WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, WHAT YOUR BELIEFS ARE, I WANT YOU TO LIVE A LONG HAPPY PEACEFUL LOVE FILLED LIFE UNTIL THE VERY END. I WANT SISTERS FROM MY HOMETOWN AND MY CURRENT CITY TO BE ABLE TO PRAISE EACH OTHER AND RAISE EACH OTHER UP. I DON'T WANT THIS DEMONIC COMPETITION BETWEEN OUR SEX.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I HAVE RECEIVED PRAISE FROM THIS BLOG IN WAYS THAT MADE ME TEAR UP. I RECEIVED LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM WOMEN I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TOO SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE. EX-BOYFRIENDS AND FLINGS HAVE REACHED OUT TO ME TO PRAISE MY HARD WORK AND TO SWEAT NERVOUSLY ABOUT POTENTIAL POSTS ABOUT THEM. ONE OF THE GUYS I'M CURRENTLY SLEEPING WITH CLAIMS TO HAVE READ MY BLOG ALOUD TO HIS BROTHERS IN A MOMENT OF SHEER PANIC, AND READING IT AGAIN ALONE LATER. MY GIRLFRIENDS FROM MY HOMETOWN WERE QUICK TO PUBLICIZE MY WORK AND LIFT ME UP. I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE THAT I HAD 768 VIEWS ON MY FIRST POST HERE ON S4S. I COULDN'T BE MORE THANKFUL FOR EVERYONE WHO MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM CREATING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE.
I KNOW THAT WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND QUICK JUDGMENTS. WE ARE HUMAN AND THIS IS WHY I ACCEPT THAT I WILL NEVER BE A GLITTERING PERFECT FEMINIST. I WILL STILL FUME ABOUT INSTAGRAM POSTS PURPOSEFULLY ANGLED TO ENLARGE OTHERWISE TEENY TINY BOOBS. I WILL STILL GRUNT AT SOME WOMEN'S CHOICE IN FASHION OR ITCH TO SHOW A GIRL HOW TO PROPERLY DO CAT EYE MAKEUP. THIS MAKES ME HUMAN. BUT WHAT I DEFINITELY CAN DO IS CATCH MYSELF AND REDIRECT MY ATTITUDE. NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ARE COMMONLY CROSSED OUT IN MY BRAIN AND REPLACED WITH POSITIVE ONES. NOT ONLY DOES THIS HELP OUT OTHERS, BUT IT MAKES ME A GENUINELY HAPPIER PERSON. HATE IS EXHAUSTING.
MY MANTRA IS "DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU". DEFLECT THE HATE! AND DEFINITELY DON'T BE THE SOURCE OF IT. WE ALL DESERVE A LITTLE MORE BRIGHTNESS TO OUR DAYS.