YOU ARE LAYING IN HIS BED. ITS COMFORTABLE. HIS MOTHER PROBABLY BOUGHT HIM THIS PILLOWTOP MATTRESS PAD. YOU CAN'T REALLY SEE HIM PUTTING THAT KIND OF MONEY INTO ANYTHING.
HIS ROOM IS STARK - A SPACE YOU'D IMAGINE PATRICK BATEMAN FROM AMERICAN PSYCHO WOULD RESIDE IN. SOMETHING MAKES YOU FEEL UNEASY, LIKE MAYBE THERE IS A SAW IN THE IKEA WARDROBE, OR THAT HE COULD BE A PSYCHOPATH. WHY? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EAT YOUR PUSSY.
THE ONLY VALID REASONS FOR NOT GOING DOWN ON A LADY ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. YOU'RE OVER 50% ATTRACTED TO MALES.
2. SHE'S ON HER PERIOD.
3. YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH.
PSYCHOPATHS DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR PARTNERS AS THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF SUCH EMOTION. WHILE I COULD BE CONSIDERED IGNORANT AND INSENSITIVE TO SOCIOPATHS/PSYCHOPATHS (THE TERMS ARE USED SYNONYMOUSLY, I RESEARCHED IT BY READING "CONFESSIONS OF A SOCIOPATH BY M.E. THOMAS - A SOLID THOUGHT PROVOKING READ, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND) I DON'T THINK A TRUE PSYCHOPATH WOULD GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY OBSERVATION BASED ON SOLID FACTS.
FEMALE ORIENTED MAGAZINES TRY TO IDENTIFY A SOLID REASON AS TO WHY HE ISN'T KISSING YOUR VAGINA. COSMOPOLITAN SUGGESTS BANNING BLOWJOBS FROM THE BEDROOM UNTIL HE DECIDES EATING YOU OUT MIGHT BE WORTH THE RETURN ON INVESTMENT. LOVEPANKY (A SEX ADVISE WEBSITE) EXCUSES THE MALE GENDER BY SAYING, "ONE BAD EXPERIENCE FOLLOWED BY MANY MORE MAY HAVE BLINDSIDED YOUR SECRET GARDEN FROM HIS SEXUAL VIEW."
I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT BAD EXPERIENCE? IF YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS DIRTY, OR SMELLS, THAT IS YOUR OWN FAULT. YOU SHOULDN'T BE TAKING PAST EXPERIENCES OUT ON YOUR CURRENT LADY. SLEEPING WITH A PIG IS ONE THING, BASING YOUR NEW SEX LIFE OFF OF THE PIG IS ANOTHER. THAT'S LIKE HAVING FOOD POISONING AND THEN CUTTING SEAFOOD OUT OF YOUR LIFE ENTIRELY - IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE.
LOVEPANKY, COSMO, AND MY PREVIOUS 'FLING' SAY IT'S SIMPLE: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK. THIS, ALSO QUITE SIMPLY, INFURIATES ME.
WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO ASK FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK YOUR MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE SIZED, AVERAGE GIRTH PENIS IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF AN ORGASM FOR ME? WHAT HAPPENED TO FOREPLAY? JUST LIKE SOME MEN CAN'T GET IT UP FROM ONLY MAKING OUT, SOME WOMEN CAN'T GET WET WITHOUT FOREPLAY. PLEASE DON'T GO TRYING TO SLIDE DOWN A DRY WATERSLIDE, YOU MIGHT END UP WITH RUG BURN.
"WHEN YOU FORCE HIM, IT WILL FEEL LIKE A CHORE." NOT ONLY SHOULD NO ASPECT OF A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP EVER BE FORCED, BUT WHY WOULD GETTING YOUR PARTNER OFF EVER FEEL LIKE A CHORE? IF IT'S A CHORE, WHY ARE YOU HOOKING UP? I'D RATHER MASTURBATE AND MOP MY KITCHEN FLOOR THAN SLEEP WITH A GUY WHO FELT LIKE CLEANING THE STOVE.
"KEEP IT FRAGRANT AND WEAR ENTICING LINGERIE" EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I'M SUPPOSED TO WEAR ENTICING PANTIES BUT ITS FINE AND DANDY FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IN YOUR WRINKLY BOXERS YOUR MOM BOUGHT YOU IN THE TENTH GRADE SMELLING LIKE YOU SWEAT ALL DAY AT THE GYM? I DON'T THINK SO. I'LL GO AROUND PANTIELESS AS MUCH AS I DAMN PLEASE AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT. NO ONE WANTS A DUDE WHO ISN'T THRILLED BY THE IDEA OF EATING YOUR VAGINA.
"DON'T MAKE HIM DROWN DOWN THERE" ????? WHAT????? I'M SORRY WHAT???? I WILL SUFFOCATE YOU DOWN THERE, I DON'T CARE. I AM SUPPOSED TO SUCK YOUR UGLY PENIS AND SWALLOW YOUR FAST-FOOD NASTY-ASS SPUNK BUT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME DROWNING YOU???? ARE YOU INSANE? IF I BLESS YOU ENOUGH TO SQUIRT WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE YOU DAMN WELL SHOULD ENJOY YOUR SUDDEN DEATH BY DROWNING.
"DON'T BE SELFISH. BE SURE TO THANK HIM FOR IT." I WISH I COULD BURN COSMOPOLITAN TO THE GROUND. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT ADVISE IS THIS? "LET HIM KNOW YOU ENJOYED IT" HONEY, YOU'RE NOT DONE UNTIL I CUM. THEN YOU WILL KNOW I ENJOYED IT.
WHEN DID WE BECOME A WORLD OF WOMEN LESS SATISFIED? WHY IS IT EVER OKAY FOR US TO GO DOWN ON YOU AND HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND BE LEFT UNSATISFIED? IT IS CRUCIAL FOR BOTH PARTNERS IN ANY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP TO BE MUTUALLY SATISFIED - OTHERWISE WHY DON'T YOU JUST MASTURBATE? ITS MUCH FASTER AND EASIER, AND MUCH LESS DRAMATIC.
I THINK THAT ORAL SEX IS MORE INTIMATE IN MANY WAYS THAN ACTUAL SEXUAL PENETRATION. IT'S ABOUT PLEASING THE OTHER PERSON, IT'S ABOUT ONE-ON-ONE CONTACT WITH THE OTHER PERSON COMPLETELY VULNERABLE. ALL ATTENTION IS ON YOU - IT CAN BE A LOT OF PRESSURE. I UNDERSTAND THAT ORAL SEX CAN BE SCARY. HOWEVER - IF HE'S NOT GOING DOWN ON YOU, YOU DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE TO GO DOWN ON HIM. KEEP THE SCORES LEVEL, THIS ACT SHOULD BE NEUTRAL LIKE CANADA.
I CAN'T EVEN ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T ENJOY CUNNALINGUS. I DON'T WANT A GUY I HAVE TO REMIND THAT MY VAJ HASN'T BEEN LICKED IN A WHILE. FOR THE MOST PART, I HAVEN'T HAD AN ISSUE. MEN HAVE BEEN MORE THAN HAPPY TO BE BLESSED BY MY VAGINA IN AND ON THEIR FACE. THIS IS GREAT! MOST MEN SEEM TO THAT KNOW SEX IS MUTUAL.
AS A FEMALE, I CAN SAY THAT THE LAST THING A WOMAN NEEDS IS TO FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HER KITTY CAT. YOUR AVOIDANCE OF THE V IS A REALLY PERTURBING ONE. DON'T BE THIS GUY. BE THE GUY WHO CAN'T GET ENOUGH, TEASES US, STAYS DOWN THERE LONG ENOUGH FOR US TO CUM, MAYBE EVEN A SECOND TIME.
WE ARE ALL SEXUAL BEINGS. LOVE, LUST, FRIENDSHIP - WHATEVER - WE LIKE SEX.
HERE IS A COSMO ARTICLE I WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT, "NICKI MINAJ WANTS ALL WOMEN TO DEMAND MORE ORGASMS".
GIRL, ME TOO. IF MY MAN IS GOING TO CUM EVERY TIME - AND HE DOES - I EXPECT THE SAME FOR ME.
WE ARE EQUAL.
“I DEMAND THAT I CLIMAX. I THINK WOMEN SHOULD DEMAND THAT. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO’S NEVER HAD AN ORGASM IN HER LIFE. IN HER LIFE! THAT HURTS MY HEART. IT’S CUCKOO TO ME. I’M A PLEASER, BUT IT’S FIFTY-FIFTY.”